Wednesday, May 8, 2013

The Bad, The Good & The Thought Vomit? Ew...

Just a late night rant/vent/thought vomit (you're welcome for the visual).

I wonder how many other parents of chronically ill children find themselves with a very limited number of friends; if any at all (Specifically those working with hidden disabilities; FA parents, Eczema parents, Asthma parents, Autism Parents, so on and so forth).  I mean, it's hard to have a social or work life when more often that not, you need to cancel plans with little to no notice. Making play dates with an FA child is one of those things that I'm always torn about; do I ask the other parent(s) to accommodate my child regardless of how difficult that may be for them or do I beg them to make a 'food-centric' time well...sans food? Going back to canceled plans, how do you tell a friend, co-worker, boss, teacher, family member or really anybody that you have to cancel plans because your child is having an eczema flare? Come on, I'm part of the real world and I try to keep things real - who would believe that eczema could interrupt every aspect of life (outside of other eczema parents, of course)?! How numb can a person become to the look that a person gives you saying, "uh, yeah, eczema...sure," or the tone and change of voice you hear when they say, "Oh, poor child...," but it really sounds more like, "Hrmm...canceling again, suuuper."

I wonder how many parents of chronically ill children have to stay home with them out of necessity or work places not being able to accommodate the needs of an employee's chronically ill child. If you've been reading my blog through the years - you know I've been given the choice of being with my hospitalized child or losing my job...sadly, more than once. I wonder how many other parents like me, find themselves wondering if they're letting all other responsibilities down...such as school, siblings, work, etc...

On the positive side - my social life may be less than amazing, but the friendships I've made, via different online forums for other parents in similar situations to myself,  are too many to count. The friendships that I've formed on a certain "mommy board" when Liv was an infant have thrived through the years, with some of the most compassionate and caring women I could ever imagine touching my life. My son is a clear example of some of the things I'm (hopefully) getting right; he's this intelligent, kind, considerate, confident and selfless young man. My son will (usually) willingly sit down and just chat me up about a book, a class assignment, a Scout accomplishment/activity, future intentions and as far as I can tell, is fairly open with me - that's something I treasure so much.

If I haven't tooted my own horn enough in the previous paragraph, I'd like to think I've touched the lives of others myself. I'd like to think that through our trials, others have learned. I can be rough around the edges, sarcastic, stubborn, stretched thin (too bad this is figurative and not literal, d'oh) but at the end of the day - I regret nothing about where I am in life. I wouldn't trade the blessings I've received through the struggles for one single moment - if everything else sometimes feels like it's falling apart, but I have my faith and my little family; I am and have enough.  I began this "thought vomit" (yeah, that's gonna be a "thing" for me now, ha) feeling frustrated and thinking somehow I was failing at far too much, but this has really been the perspective I needed. Mission accomplished.

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