It's Rare That I'm Nice When My Head is Spinning...

Okay, so where were we for Day two - wait, are we just on day two still? Yes, we are and there is a ton for this day...as I stated, it's a doozy!

And so....I may have gotten the order of the day mixed up a bit in my prior post. Between the wet wrap and Art Therapy, Liv met with the psychologist for a psychosocial appointment. This is a very typical appointment in the Peds Day Program and I requested it specifically. Liv shows some serious signs of anxiety and why shouldn't she? She has a lot of weight on her little shoulders. Liv exhibits behaviors like putting me between her and the eggs in a grocery store (or shouting the word "eggs" as one would shout the word "fire"), she started talking about dreams she had the night prior...about foods she is allergic to.  There are some other behaviors as well, like her sleeping routine (or lack of) - she talks in her sleep, she walks in her sleep, she wakes up to "binge eat" or just wakes up to play. Her sleep schedule has always been this chaotic and I just thought it was her "normal". Turns out that a lot of AD kiddos have a very interrupted sleep due to their itchy skin waking them up.  During this meeting we just talked and touched bases on these different issues. We would later work on a plan to help with her anxiety and we'd find out that ultimately, she sees me as her security blanket which explains her separation anxiety(that only makes sense though). I walked away from this appointment thinking, "great, what is *that* supposed to do?"  It was later in the week that we'd tie things together.

Once Liv finished with Art Therapy, it was a mad dash to get her out of her wet wrap, apply her Vanicream (yes, another layer is added after the wrap comes off), get her dressed and semi presentable for her next appointment. We were heading up to her Pulmonary Function Testing for what feels like a Spirometry, but in a box.

The day was young and she's still smiling bright!

Once we finished this it was time for a blood draw, you'd think this would be easy with how used to needles Liv is *and* the fact that they numb the kids arms here. This was far from easy, if you include the Child Life nurse, there were five of us in the room aside from Liv in order to make this blood draw happen. The blood work would be sent off to the lab to check her IgE levels (or reactions to foods by way of blood test).  We were given a break for lunch and then it was back to the procedure room for skin testing.  I can think of about 100 things I would rather do than skin testing, just off the top of my head, but this is again, extremely important. We must see what her skin reacts to and how badly it reacts.

Those bottom third hive up is cattle (yes, we have cattle near us so I had them check it) and the last is horse. She's never going to be a farmer, that's for sure!

We finished this test in the 15 minutes (after skin pricking) required, washed her back and put her Vanicream on. At this point, we headed upstairs to have the soft tissue in her neck x-rayed. Even though she's had her tonsils and adenoids out, in about 15% of people, the adenoids grow back. I later found out that hers have in fact grown back - joy! 

Liv was being an absolute trooper...and then IT happened. They pulled us back to the procedure room for this fancy study called the pH Probe Testing .  Child Life came in and explained everything to Liv, they let her know that the medicine used to numb her nose would burn a bit, but that would end quickly. They even let her know that when the medicine went up her nose, it would come down her throat and for a bit, she would feel like she couldn't swallow but that she would be fine and they'd make sure. Liv patiently listened to this and put on her bravest face, but I don't think she was fully aware of how invasive this was really going to be. They inserted the syringe into her first nostril and from there, it was the fast track to bottoming out emotionally - for both of us. I was sitting behind my daughter, with her in my lap, holding her arms with the fiercest of grips while another nurse held her head still for the nurse placing the probe up her nose and then into her esophagus from there.  Once the probe was placed we had to go back to x-ray to make sure the probe was placed properly. Liv was in a pure state of hysterics and was not going to walk to get back upstairs. Wheel chair and two nurses it was as far as escorting us up to x-ray. We had a quick x-ray which showed placement was almost perfect - little movement of the probe was required.  By the time this was placed and set to go, the nurse showed me the machine that is hooked up to the probe and as she was telling me how to use it, Liv was losing it and becoming more hysterical by the second.  I lost it and I looked the nurse in the eye and *kindly* informed her that my child was hysterical and that was NOT going to subside anytime soon. If she wanted me to gain anything from this study and do so with the smallest inkling of cooperation, she was to leave us be and I was taking my child back to her room. She suggested several options to help distract Liv - I (again) *kindly* stated that she did not know my child and at this point in our day, I was NOT going to do anything to distract her. I was going to take her to her room and hold her. I was going to do everything in my power to help her find her calm little place she goes to when she has had a bad hospital day in the past.  Turns out it wasn't me that did that - at least not by myself, a child life student that followed us through this most recent procedure came into our room and asked permission to just sit with us. I was not in the mood to argue, but she also didn't seem very intrusive so I agreed as did Liv. She sat by Liv's bed painting a picture while Liv watched...she then started doing bead work as Liv watched. I sat and rubbed her back as she nodded off. She slept so soundly for at least two hours.  Two sweet and wonderful hours. I spent the first 45 minutes of that crying quietly for my girl then fell asleep with her. This day was beyond anything we'd ever expected, but we made it this far, we were not backing down at this point.

Billie

PS, I promise that tomorrow is a brighter day in this story! 

Q & A Time!

So, I asked and I received! I asked for some questions that you all might have for me in regards to our life and how we live it...and you asked!

1. Liv doesn't know a "normal" menu when it comes to food, when you do the tests for soy and wheat and say she can have those, how will you go about introducing those new foods to her?

This is a great question and one I've pondered for a long time. Actually, it's more like I've tried to envision what this would be like! Once Liv goes through the process of doing food challenges to wheat and soy, I imagine the first thing we'll do is go on a family hike and pack a lunch of SANDWICHES. We might even finish the evening off with grilled cheese sandwiches and not just ANY grilled cheese, but I envision buying a few different kinds of cheese and making it a "gourmet" sandwich dinner! I can't tell you why this is my first meal of choice for her though, maybe because it's such a basic meal for most and a such a hurdle for us. As far as soy goes, I love using teryaki marinades and I typically will make a pan of food marinated for Tai and myself, then a separate pan of food for Liv that has a marinade just for her.

From that point, I think it will be like watching a child in a candy store! If you've never really read food labels, soy and wheat are in SO much! This is going to be an exciting new chapter for us, and maybe a bit overwhelming even. That's okay though, THAT kind of overwhelming won't make me throw things across my kitchen like a crazy woman ;).

2. What are your concerns with Liv and the school setting? (kinda vague question but with her starting school a possibility what are your specific concerns all together)

This question covers quite a broad area in our life right now. Liv IS scheduled to start Kindergarten this year (I will release more details on that as they come, or I feel comfortable sharing publicly). I have so many fears with school coming up. First and foremost, I have to hand over CONTROL over things to basically strangers. Am I a control freak? You betcha, just ask my ex-husband (okay, don't, ha). When it comes to Liv, I have pretty much taken "control" to a whole new level, but I feel, with good cause. I fear that a teacher or PERA will forget to clean something that is an everyday common object, like a computer keyboard. What's so wrong with this? EVERYTHING. The child using it before her just might have had a PB&J sandwich for lunch, or pb&j type snack....heck they might have had breakfast right before of eggs. Nothing wrong with that child eating any of that and touching the keyboard, but if it's not cleaned properly...well, I try to NOT imagine the rest of that thought. I fear that her teacher, principal, PERA, nurse or anybody at the school doesn't take her food allergies as serious as they are. I fear that things go well for a good amount of time and anybody responsible for Liv gets complacent...only to make a mistake. There are many fears that run through my mind at any given moment. The biggest of these fears though, is the fear of a reaction happening and the adult with her at that moment panics, or doesn't react in time, or just plain can't deal with the situation. I know that my child appears 95% of the time to be a healthy, happy, hyper, imaginative and "normal" child, but in minutes, seconds even....she can be taken from me. Yes, that is something that is always possible, to everybody, but the chances are a bit higher in my child's case and she walks through a minefield of hidden dangers every single day.

3. How will life change for the 3 of you when Liv is able to start eating foods she's never been allowed?

Honestly, I hope it doesn't change a TON. Does that sound completely weird and sadistic of me? Well, we've made a tradition of cooking together and reading labels together while making our meals. We've made a point to make sure a good percentage of foods we eat are made of 5 ingredients (on the label, not the meal itself) or less. Label reading is such a habit though, I don't know that much WILL change. Some nights might be made easier by being able to make quick and simple dishes though. Oh, I might have to put a lock on the pantry, Liv is quite the food lover and well, I can imagine she will be in food overload soon!


4."It's not fair to picky children to limit what they're allowed to eat because of one child's allergy." What do you say to parents who want to bring in treats to the classroom but expect to be able to bring whatever their child likes?

I feel that I have to approach this question in a gentle manner rather than aggressive. If I had somebody ask me this personally, I would start by softening my entire demeanor. I'd have to say that I would certainly be able to sympathize with their situation. So....here is the best "script" have to answer that...for the moment.

"I can certainly understand what a difficult situation that is, and I too am in that same boat, only the food restriction for my daughter is life and death. I want more than anything, for you to know it's not my intention to take away from your child's experience here in school, my only intention by making these requests is to keep MY child alive and thriving. I know it can seem like I'm this overbearing and paranoid mother, but I can assure you I am not (enter props....her medicines, medical records and pictures of her having a reaction). You see, avoiding her food allergies is only a PART of our battle. These meds are taken by Liv every single day, some of them multiple times a day...just to help keep her immune system from being in a constant frenzy. (Point to her records and pictures) Sometimes all these meds and avoidance aren't even enough to do the trick. Liv has had WAY more than her share of ER trips and reactions in her short little life."

I do have a video that I would LOVE more than anything to share with the parents of Liv's future classmates. I don't know that the school will allow it, but I will share it here.


VIDEO



5. How has Tai handled these food allergies, being a non-allergic child himself?

Tai has been such an inspiration to me. He is an extremely laid back, super intelligent, but paaaainfully shy child. There have been times however that he's spoken up to strangers offering Liv food (samples at stores, bakery at stores offering cookies, etc...). He is quick to make sure others know they cannot just go offering his sister anything at all. I love seeing this protective big brother come out in him and I hope that maybe someday Liv sees all he is doing for her as well. He's had no problem giving up some very basic foods like eggs, cookies, peanut butter (and believe me, we were some peanut butter loving FOOLS pre-allergic Liv :) ) and an endless list of candies. Like I said, the kid is an inspiration. He does this in SPITE of all the annoying little sister things Liv does to drive him crazy ;).

6. Just how AWARE of her allergies is Liv? Does she know what all she is allergic to?

Oh yes, she knows her list backwards and forwards. This is vital information that I've made a point to repeat to her and have her repeat back to me several times a day...everyday. She knows what her Epi-Pen does and where it is at all times. She carries a backpack everywhere with her (it holds her Benadryl and her Epi-pen) she keeps the backpack with and on her at all times for the unfortunate event that she should somehow become lost in a store...or really anywhere. She NEEDS to have her meds with HER. She knows this and follows this. Does she understand how serious this all is, well...I think she gets it as well as a 4 year old can. She's been rushed to hospitals by me as well as by fire rescue with full lights and sirens. She might not fully understand "life and death", but she knows the sense of urgency around her in a bad situation.

Well, that is all the questions I've received this week, but please...PLEASE feel free to contact me and send as many as you like. I promise to read and reply to as many as I'm able.

Good Things DO Happen in This Allergic Life!!

Present day posting.

Okay, so yesterday was kind of a big deal for us and I have ....... skin testing RESULTS!!!

So I will skip the details for now and get to the nitty gritty:

Dogs - Negative (really though, we knew this)
Cats - Barely allergic (YAAAAAY! This has gone down!)
Horses -EXTREMELY allergic (awwww *pouts*)
All grasses - Negative
Juniper Pine Trees - EXTREMELY allergic (Boooo...those things are all OVER CO :( )

Now on to the biggies; foods.

Fish - Negative (we've always been told to avoid til she is older, yaaaay)
Shrimp - Negative (Also been avoiding)
Crab - Negative (Yaaaaay! Same as above, also been avoiding)
Wheat - Negative (Oh. My. Goodness! YES!)
Soy - Negative (WHAT?! YES!)
Peanuts - Positive, but not extremely allergic (Um...WHAT does this mean for us???!!!)

Now for the details. What does all of this mean for us? Well, the trees...those are an issue, but one for now that we can avoid at least somewhat. Wheat and Soy we can now move on to food challenges for! This in of itself is just huge for us. After the challenges prove she is not allergic to either wheat or soy....my girl can have her very first ham/turkey or whatever and cheese HOLD the mayo sandwich! No, my almost 5 year old daughter has never in her life had a sandwich....this is huge! This can open up a door to so many exciting new foods for Liv and our household! You see, whatever she is allergic to, we rarely or never eat.

Now, that peanut result is bigger news than I was prepared for. Olivia is STILL severely allergic to it if ingested or inhaled, but now if I were to eat a peanut and forgot to wash my hands (okay, so that is unlikely but you get what I'm saying), she will probably just get hives. We can also probably start the process of doing food challenges on PEANUTS!! While I keep my hopes to a minimum, her Dr tells me with a smirk (he is so awesome...seriously), "by the end of summer she may only be avoiding eggs and tree nuts....screw the school wanting to hold out on her for having too many allergies now." I loved that. For those that don't know, I'm currently entangled with the district about her going to school and what they HAVE to do for Liv vs what they WANT to do for her. This has been huge and I will write about that too. The Office of Civil Rights has even had to be contacted about all of this.

So, you might be wondering why I'm so excited, or if you have a FA child, you KNOW why I am so excited. Making any steps toward progress is a God send and in my life....a miracle. I feel so vindicated right now! Over the past years I've struggled with finding my voice in all of this. I've realized that Dr.'s don't know everything and it's absolutely okay for me to question them on everything. They hate me, I'm sure. Well maybe all but her current team of doc's that is. I've found that fighting for my daughter has finally paid off! You see, the allergist Liv is seeing now, she's only been seeing him for maybe two months and in two months he has turned my little girls world into one she can truly LIVE in!

**Due to the high numbers in her tree nut and egg blood work, plus her having anaphylactic reactions to eggs; Olivia was NOT skin tested for tree nuts or eggs...for safety reasons**

***I am proud to say Liv handled the testing with nothing but a positive attitude! She knew to not scratch and she didn't even try! We played the Lady Bug game the whole time and the nurses said they are going to buy a few sets of that game for kids in future testings. We CAN make change....even with the experts!***


She would pick this as her game piece ;)


This was after her skin test and they were awesome enough to numb her arms for blood work (that didn't end up getting drawn...)
I'm working on re-sizing these pics -- sorry about the size!

The Unknown and Uneventful

I believe that I last left off with throwing foods across my kitchen...

It was at this point in time that I began to regroup and head into the unknown. Yes, I knew what I had to avoid and thought I knew how. I had NO earthly idea just how HARD this task was going to be. I mean when you think about it...a one year old that can't have cheerios, any cereal other than rice and corn chex were out, any fast food (because at the time there was really no such a thing as places posting allergy info...that is still hard to come by), pasta, mac & cheese, Gerber snacks and meals....the list goes on...I mean really...WHAT do you feed a one year old that is so restricted? A lot of home cooking is what you will feed them! I began making Sunday a cooking day. I'd cook chicken and rice with veggies, chicken, cheese and again..rice. I'd feed her lots of meats, cheeses, fruits and veggies...I made this all in bulk and would freeze small containers of her meals to make life easier on me. You know those days when you just pop a frozen meal in the microwave? I made our own...I felt so...so INVENTIVE, ha! In reality, I think I just felt like I was gaining control on this disease. I was going to live with it as if it were second nature or a second skin.

I was blessed to have such great friends around in a time that I had no family around. They got to know Liv's allergies as if she were their own. In a life where spontaneous barbecues were a way of life; they were amazing. They would stop making foods like Deviled Eggs or anything else that would cause severe danger for Liv, they would explain to others about her allergies and to please refrain from bringing certain foods. I couldn't have been luckier in what could have been a sad/lonely situation.

And so passes a pretty uneventful year. No further signs of reactions, the eczema was still just as bad as ever, but that was "normal", sadly.

Next blog will begin in the Fall of 2007......

Doing more, so much more...

Okay, so I'm working on keeping up my blogging promises and so here I am...doing my "present-day posting" for your reading and viewing pleasure.

At this point in our lives I'm ready for so much more. I feel as though I've been to battle with these crazy FA's and am over fighting them. I am on to accepting them for all that they are. That COULD be because we're rounding the corner to Liv's 5th Birthday and there is little hope for outgrowing some of these FA's. I've spent so much time anticipating her 5th birthday being this huge turning point and like magic, she would be without food allergies and with FOOD. Okay, that's kind of stretching the truth...for about the last year I'd lost hope of age five being magic. That doesn't mean that her turning five isn't a pivotal time in our life. We are looking at hopefully eliminating wheat & soy from her not safe list. As a matter of fact, if all goes well...by this time next week Liv will have had her first ever SKIN testing done for wheat, soy and maybe (HUUUGE maybe here) peanut! If we can add wheat and soy back into her diet....or heck, even just SOY (if you've never read food labels...Soy. Is. In. EVERYTHING...ok...almost everything.), life sure would be a lot easier.

What do I mean by "if all goes well"? Well, Liv takes antihistamines every single day (along with a plethora of other daily meds). She's been on them 3 times a day for as long as I can recall, we've gotten her down to once a day and tomorrow will be her last day of taking any until next Weds. IF she should for some reason break out, or need an antihistamine before next Wednesday...the test is off. I would then have to work on keeping her off of the antihistamines for another 5 consecutive days and let the testing commence...whenever we get to that.

At the point of testing we will have immediate results and numbers, but this won't mean that we can just jump in and add these foods into her diet. After doing the testing and (hopefully) getting negative reactions, we move on to the food challenges. These will take place at the Main campus for National Jewish (if you don't know who they are, they are angels on Earth to some of us...check them out, they really are amazing!). The food challenges are lengthy and sound pretty boring at best. At least, I HOPE Liv's are boring...boring means nothing exciting happens...other than new foods being added to her diet, of course.

So much for organized writing skills, I wanted to convey how I am ready for more. I've found myself becoming quite the advocate for kids with food allergies. I've had to break down several personal barriers to learn to speak up for Liv and fear that not all parents will be able to jump those personal hurdles themselves. I find that I'm more and more involved in so many food allergy awareness organizations, discussions and support groups; all of this makes me happy. It makes the past almost four years worth all the while. The reason for this blog even happening is to share, share and share some more. I have hope that other parents will find solace in knowing we're not alone in this fight. I do promise to be as forthcoming as possible, through the good times, the bad times an the really REALLY bad times. Please hold me to that and ask anything you like.

I leave you with this and I now embark on the newest journey in my life...SEWING, yay!